Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Are You Kidding Me?

We got an interview date for the waiting child we were interested in. We found out just a couple days later that another family had stepped up and asked to interview as well. Seriously? He's been legally free for nearly four years. We stumble across him, get licensed in the hope that we might adopt him, finally get our license and score our interview, and now there's someone else? You've got to be joking.

And I thought it would be as simple as checking our homestudy, doing an interview, and start fostering him in preparation to adopt. Oh no. No no no. We interview with his team. The other family does the same. They all talk about us. They present one or both of us to him. Then we start phone calls with him. Then visits. Then maybe he can spend the night at our house. This is all from 3 hours away. Then we'll start talking about him moving in. Then we have to foster for six months before we can even begin the adoption process. CHINA will give you a kid with less red tape. Not even kidding. This may be cheaper, but China is easier. Maybe quicker.

So yesterday, I was stressing over this. All of it. The length of the process, the amount of red tape, how he will fit with our other kids, his age (14) compared to theirs (4 and 1). I was working on the required scrapbook (for those unfamiliar, it's like a Dear Birthmother, except it's Dear Kid I Want To Adopt), and all I could think about was how annoying it was that the state required us to figure out a family dynamic without ever being in the same house. It is infuriating.

Then, right after I put Little Miss to bed, my phone rings. Why does your social worker call you at 8:45 on a weeknight? I'll give you a hint. It's not to invite you out for steak and whiskey. Ever.

There's an emergency. Again. Isn't there always? I mean really. It's foster care. When is it ever lukewarm? Anyway, an emergency placement. Bonus points for the fact that it wasn't a newborn this time! At first she asked me to take a set of teen girls. Luckily, I didn't have enough beds. Then she called back and asked if I had a toddler bed. There was a 5yo girl. Could we please take her? Just for a couple days?

Her final termination hearing should happen next week and she will be legally free.

I've heard this old story. A farmer lived on a river. It flooded and a man came down the street in a boat and offered to take the man to safety. The old man said, "No, God will provide." Later, after the water rose considerably, another boater found the farmer stranded in a second floor window. Again, he was offered a ride to higher ground. He gave this man the same answer, "No. God will provide." Finally, a third boat arrived to find the old man on the roof, the only solid ground in sight. The would-be rescuer begged him to get in the boat and be saved. The man vehemently refused. "No. God will provide." When the man drowned and stood before God, he was angry. "Where were you, Lord?! I trusted you to save me! To provide for me!" God said simply, "I sent you three boats."

For so many months, we've had nothing but faith that this waiting child is our kid. Then Ms. T fell into our laps. Contemporary to our children, almost free, no more red tape than a typical foster-to-adopt placement. Is this God providing? Am I reading too much into it? Am I just a sucker who keeps taking emergency placements? I DON'T KNOW!!!

So, I'm terribly confused. After 22 hours with her, I'm emotionally exhausted. I just need to do a lot of soul searching right now.


  1. Sounds really difficult, but like it might be worth it this time! I just stumbled across your blog on stirrup queens. I also recently started an infertility blog but my husband and I are also pursuing foster-adoption (just started the process) and it will be nice to read your experiences!

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